


early mornings

by simonsantiago



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Even from himself, Fluff, M/M, and he must be protected at all costs, dont, i don't know what to tag this as but, if you disagree, raphael santiago is my son, raphael watches korean dramas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 14:03:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6661489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simonsantiago/pseuds/simonsantiago
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon comes to the realization that Raphael doesn't sleep.</p><p>Ever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	early mornings

It’s been a couple of months since Simon has officially moved into Hotel Dumort but he hasn’t really spent much time to notice anything out of the ordinary until he sneaks in late one morning. The sun has been up for a couple of hours and he figures everyone is asleep so he makes his way through the hallway to his room. But he stops dead in his tracks when he sees that the TV is still on. Thinking someone probably forgot to turn it off, he goes into the living room to do it himself when he sees Raphael sitting on the couch. He’s staring at the TV but he’s not watching. He’s unmoving and his eyes are blank.

Without thinking about it, he slowly approaches the older vampire.

“Glad to see you have graced us with your presence.” Raphael says, making Simon jump.

He clutches at his heart and hisses “shit.”

Raphael looks at him and rolls his eyes.

“Why aren’t you asleep?” Simon asks.

He raises his eyebrows at the fledging. “You do know that we don’t need to sleep like mundanes, right?”

Simon frowns, taking offence because, hey, he’s still human at heart. “Well, I’m still half mundane so I still need to sleep.”

“It isn’t smart to run around with the shadowhunters then, is it?”

Simon makes a face at him (because he’s that mature) before stalking out and throwing himself on to his bed and passing the hell out.

* * *

The second time he runs into Raphael, he’s reading marvel comics that Simon is sure the older vampire stole from his room. He plops down next to him, making Raphael give him a dirty look, and settles in. Raphael’s reading Civil War and his inner fanboy squeals with excitement. The comics could have been better, definitely, but it is still one of his favourites.

“Whose side are you on?” He asks. “Personally, I’m on Team—”

Raphael interrupts him by throwing the comic at him and saying, “I’d rather burn under the sunlight. I wouldn’t be on either team. They’re both equally stupid.”

“Huh,” Simon muses, “well, you’re not wrong.”

“There aren’t any vampires in their world anyway,” Raphael continues as if Simon hadn’t spoken. “They’re all about saving the world and making the mundanes love them, something vampires can’t and will never have. Do you know why?”

He doesn’t wait for Simon to answer.

“Because like you said, we’re all monsters.”

Why did he get so deep? It really isn’t that deep. It’s just a comic book about superheroes refusing to communicate with each other and being stupid. But Simon doesn’t know what to say to that so he keeps his mouth shut.

They sit in silence until it gets awkward and slightly uncomfortable.

Then Simon flees to his room.

* * *

In the following weeks Simon deliberately comes home after the sun has risen and every late afternoon he sees Raphael in the same position on the couch.

He joins him one day.

Raphael’s watching The Vampire Diaries and Simon is torn between teasing him and watching the whole series with him, because _guilty pleasure._

“I know we don’t _need_ sleep but it’s nice. You should try it.” Simon says.

Raphael doesn’t look at him when he says, “What could possibly be nice about passing out for 8 hours?”

He shrugs and leans against the cushions. “You forget your troubles and your thoughts and whatever bullshit you’re going through. You’re at peace for a few hours. It’s quiet.”

“What is?”

“Your mind.” Simon sighs. “It’s nice when it’s quiet up there.”

It’s quiet for a very, very long time that Simon thinks the conversation is over. He’s about to say good night/good morning/good whatever because he’s sure Raphael isn’t going to say anything and because he would really like to take a nap right about now but the older vampire does eventually say something.

“My mind isn't quiet when I sleep.” Raphael says, barely audible that if Simon didn’t have super hearing he wouldn't have heard it. “I have nightmares. Of the day I turned. I like being a vampire just as much as you do, Simon.”

He feels himself stop breathing although that isn't really necessary. That’s the first time Raphael has said his name. It’s always either fledging, or nuisance, and sometimes even _that_. He doesn’t know what to think or even how to react but thankfully, Raphael doesn’t give him the time to react because he continues.

“I’ve just gotten used to it. I’m still learning to live with it because there’s nothing I can do about it and it still kills me to this day. The person who turned me took everything away from me. I wanted to settle down, maybe have a kid or two, give my mamá the grandkids she would nag me and my brothers about. I wanted to grow old and live my life and that’s what haunts me every night when I try to sleep. I dream about the life I couldn’t have.”

Simon feels his dead heart feel even more dead. It breaks for Raphael because just like Simon, he had his life taken away, and just like Simon he wishes he could still be human. Raphael makes it seem like he’s happy with being a vampire and he always looks like he’s on cloud nine but how wrong it was.

He puts on a show for those around him when he’s really miserable inside.

Simon’s heart breaks a little more.

He swallows down the lump in his throat. Half of him wishes he just minded his own business and stayed the hell out of it but half of him is grateful for seeing this side of Raphael so that he could help him. He doesn’t know how the hell he’s going to do that but anything to make Raphael feel a little bit better.

“When was the last time you slept?” Simon asks.

The older vampire lets out a long and shaky breath.

“A few weeks after I turned, after my mamá kicked me out. She tried, tried so hard, to still love me after I turned into a…monster but she couldn’t and I don’t blame her.” He answers.

“You’re not a monster, Raphael.” Simon says softly and he regrets calling him one.

He regrets it immensely and he wishes he could take it back because it still makes Raphael feel like shit. He didn’t think about the amount of times Raphael's probably been called a monster. He didn’t think about the way it made Raphael feel. He certainly didn’t think Raphael would take those words to heart.

He wishes he'd never said it.

“I’m sorry, Simon.”

Simon blinks, his mouth gone dry from the sincerity in Raphael’s voice.

“Why?” He manages to squeak out.

The older vampire looks at him and smiles sadly. “For taking your life away from you.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” He whispers.

“You would have never turned if it wasn’t my fault. I hope you can forgive me and not resent me like I resent the man who turned me.”

Simon gently nudges him. “I would never resent you.”

“You say that now. We’ll see what happens to those feelings in a couple of years.”

“You’re a real downer, you know?” Simon jokes, trying to lighten the mood because it’s gotten so dark and emotional.

“You asked.” Raphael says.

He raises his hands in surrender. “I will never ask you anything ever again.”

This time Raphael laughs, a little, and the sound is beautiful. Simon’s rarely seen him smile, forget a laugh.

He dies a little inside.

He wishes he could hear that laugh more often.

“Do you think we could convince Magnus to make us rings we can wear in the daylight, like these vampires?” Raphael asks, his eyes back on the TV. “It’s been awhile since I’ve seen the sun, I could use some.”

“We could all use some sun.” Simon says. “We’re pale as fuck.”

This time Raphael’s laugh is full blown and amazing. His eyes crinkle in the corners and his nose scrunches up in the cutest way.

Simon thinks he can watch Raphael laugh for the rest of his life.

* * *

 

Simon’s coming home before the sun rises for the first time since he moved in and he makes a beeline for the living room. Raphael is watching some TV show that requires subtitles but before he can figure out what language it is; the TV is suddenly black.

“What were you watching?” He asks, narrowing his eyes.

“Nothing.” Raphael answers, avoiding eye contact.

Simon reaches for the remote but Raphael is faster. He grabs it off the table and sticks it into his sweater.

“I’m not going to judge.” Simon says.

Raphael glares at him. “I don’t care.”

“Was it porn?” He asks making a face.

The older vampire mirrors his face and shakes his head.

“Who do you think I am?” He asks incredulously.

“I don’t know!” Simon shrugs his shoulders. “You never cease to surprise me.”

“If I wanted to watch porn I’d do it in my own room.” Raphael says, disgusted.

Simon takes that moment to grab the remote and it’s a success but before he can turn the TV on he’s being tackled. He ends up on the couch with Raphael on top of him. The breath is knocked out of him, quite literally, and Raphael seems to be much prettier from up close. They’re staring at each other and Raphael leans in, his breath tickling Simon’s neck. Simon’s heart starts to beat wildly and he’s sure Raphael can hear it but he can’t focus on trying to slow it down because Raphael’s looking into his eyes. They flicker down to Simon’s lips and he leans in closer, their lips only inches apart. If Simon reaches up their lips could touch and he would finally know what those lips taste like but in the blink of an eye Raphael gets off of him. He’s standing there, holding the remote in his hand. Simon sits up and glares at him.

“Ass.” He bites out.

Raphael grins and winks, “if you want a piece of it, all you have to do is ask nicely.”

Simon’s glare intensifies. “You think I want it after the stunt you just pulled?”

The older vampire laughs. “Then I guess you’ll never know what I was watching.”

“I will.” Simon says, pointing a finger at him.

“How?” Raphael challenges.

“Like this.” He says and in a flash he’s inches away from Raphael.

He runs a hand under Raphael’s sweater and pulls at the waistband of his sweats. He leans in, his breath hot against the older vampire’s neck. He snakes his other hand under the sweater too and brings their bodies flush against each other. He feels Raphael shiver under his touch and he can’t help but smile. He brings his lips down and runs them along the side of Raphael’s neck.

“You have to do better than this, _baby_.” Raphael says into his ear and pushes him against the wall, his hands pinned above his head with the older vampire’s. His arms are on either side of Simon’s head and his leg in between Simon’s leg, preventing him from trying to move.

“You haven’t seen anything yet, _baby_.” Simon says and the way Raphael seems to melt with the pet name pulls at his heart strings.

The older vampire slowly bends his head until it's buried in the crook of Simon’s shoulder. He leans in, his whole body sagging against Simon's, and sighs. He lets go of Simon’s hands but doesn’t move his leg and leaves his head where it is. Before Simon even thinks about what he’s doing, he runs a hand through Raphael’s hair and it feels oddly intimate. The older vampire sighs contently and leans into the touch.

They’re having a moment Simon would have killed for that he almost feels bad for what he does next.

 _Almost_.

He grabs the remote from Raphael’s sweatpants’ pocket and turns the TV on before he can react. His eyes widen and the corners of his lips tug upwards. He would have never guessed this is what Raphael likes to watch.

“You watch Korean dramas?” Simon asks. “No way.”

Raphael lifts his head and glares at him. “Really? We were having a moment.”

Simon’s face breaks out into a huge grin. “You’re so cuuuuuuuuuuuute.”

The older vampire groans and puts his face back into Simon’s shoulder from embarrassment.

Simon laughs and fondly says, "you really never cease to surprise me."

"And you never cease to annoy me." Raphael murmurs.

"Yeah, yeah, you love me."

Simon's almost 80% sure he hears Raphael say "I really do" but he decides to leave that for another day.

* * *

 

Simon joining Raphael every morning eventually becomes a routine. Simons stays up with Raphael because like he said, they don’t need sleep, and Simon finds that he’s even more at peace when he’s with Raphael than he is sleeping. So, he shows up every morning to annoy (more like keep him company) Raphael and watches cheesy rom-coms or science fiction or whatever’s on, and neither of them will ever admit it, but it’s those few hours they spend together that they both look forward to every night.

And if Simon and Raphael happen to make out instead of watch whatever’s on TV; well, no one has to know.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
